I wish I could start this life over again. You see, I don't know who I am anymore. Who is the real me? What is normal? I don't know what that feels like. How would I know if I got there even? What is my true character - my true personality?
Sometimes I think I'm invisible. No one sees me. I'm a spectator of life and not a participant. Participants seem to know things instinctively - how to respond in different situations. I have no intuition for life. I was never programmed with that module.
I don't think I was meant to live this life. I think I was meant to have died as a baby when I was so ill. People prayed for me and I lived. One moment I was sick, the next I was completely well. Sometimes, when I think about this, I wish to God they hadn't bothered! I'm so terribly disillusioned with this life.
Like the Ring, this depression must be destroyed; like Frodo I am the one who must bear it....
A Son of Cain?
This blog will chronicle the battles of a tortured mind. You will be taken on a journey through the rational, the irrational, the anguish and the struggle to survive and keep hope alive in the midst of chronic depression.
You may call me Cain. Genesis 4:13&14 says: 'Cain said to the LORD, "My punishment is more than I can bear. Today ... I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth."
This load seems more than I can bear. God is hidden from me. I am a restless wanderer on the earth.
You may call me Cain. Genesis 4:13&14 says: 'Cain said to the LORD, "My punishment is more than I can bear. Today ... I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth."
This load seems more than I can bear. God is hidden from me. I am a restless wanderer on the earth.
We are praying for you. Keep writing, I'll be it helps a little, doesn't it?
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